The 4 Secrets To Build Your Self Discipline – Marisa Peer
The 4 Secrets To Build Your Self Discipline – Marisa Peer

– The difference between
success and failure is often nothing more than this, people who have success, also have self-discipline. (upbeat music) I’m Marisa Peer and today
I’m going to show you how to adopt the habits
of self-discipline. And when you adopt them,
and make them your own, success will follow. I meet people all the time that really struggle with self-discipline, ’cause they have this interesting belief it’s something you’re born with, and that’s not true. No baby is born with discipline, in fact they find it very hard to do that. Discipline is something you acquire. It’s like a muscle, if you
work it, it gets better. So I’m gonna tell you
some absolute secrets of people who appear to
be naturally disciplined, they’re not. I’ve worked with many,
many Olympic athletes, they don’t go, “Yay it’s
snowing, I’m gonna get up,” and go out and train today, they have to keep saying,
“I want that Olympic medal,” and this is the price I’m going to pay to get the Olympic medal. So before you begin to
adopt self-discipline, take a minute and think what do I want, what do I really, really, really want. And then answer another question, what price would I pay to get what I want? Do you want a great relationship? Well you have to go out,
you can’t sit at home, you’ve got to go out and
interact with people. You want a great job, you
gotta go for some interviews. But there are some actually keys that very, very disciplined people have. And here is the most important one, and this would change
your life if you do it, and I had to make myself do this, it was not natural at all. You must do what you
don’t want to do first. People who are hugely successful do this, they do the thing they hate first of all. I worked with somebody
who was morbidly obese, and I said, you know,
“You have to work out.” They went, “I hate working out,” you know, “I’m heavy, it’s really uncomfortable.” I said, “No, not only
have you got to do it, “you’ve got to do it first.” And I had to do that too, you see if you don’t
like going to the gym, you go, “I’ll go later.” But then something
happens, the phone rings, you eat something, you think,
“Oh it’s too late now.” When you go first, you
think later, “Oh I’ve been, “I went to the gym first,
I feel like a winner.” You gotta make a very difficult call, you’ve gotta ring someone
who owes you money, or confront someone, you
don’t wanna confront, and you wait, and all day
it’s hanging over your head, making you feel so bad. But when you do it first,
you feel like a winner, because people who have
discipline do this, they do the thing they
do not want to do first. And I want you to start saying that. I was giving a speech recently and the guy who came on after me said, “You know, I kept hearing
my voice, it kept going, “Marisa said do what you
don’t want to do first.” He said, “That has changed
my entire business life.” And all my staff remember that too. What do we not want to
do, what’s the worst job, let’s do that first and
get it out of the way. So that is secret one to having
incredible self-discipline. Tell yourself, make yourself do what you don’t want to do first. And of course in the beginning
this will be what you do, but you know what will happen? It starts to become who you are. It becomes easy, it becomes seamless, it’s a bit like putting
lenses in your eye, it feels seriously odd to suddenly jam your finger in your eye, but if you do it every day, comes easy. Because that’s how habits are formed, you make a habit, and
then your habits make you, so make your habits amazing. So you’ve got habit
one, here is habit two. Take action every single day in the direction of your goals, and that doesn’t mean
work for 10 hours a day. But even on a Saturday or a Sunday, if you’re building your business then five minutes answering one email, making one call, because
that’s what winners do, they don’t have a day off when they are on their way to success. They take action every single day in the direction of their goals. And here’s point three, and it possibly is the most
important point of all, delay gratification, delay the reward. You see years ago we went to work and our boss would go, “Hey, good job, “you did really well today,” but now a lot of us don’t have a boss, we work for ourselves, we work from home, you may be a coach or a marketer, you don’t have a boss praising you. Without praise, your praise
muscle never really grows. What happens when you work for yourself, is halfway through you
stop and you do something. And what you have to do in the morning, is go right, I love my cappuccino, but I’m going to do something first, make six calls, send out an email, then the cappuccino is my reward. And in the evening, you’ve
gotta think of your dinner and your TV as a reward,
I’m going to reward myself. And, you see, if you see it as a reward, it makes you work better. It’s a big problem that
we take the reward first, I’m gonna eat that, have a nice dinner, and I’ll do all that other stuff later. And you know what happens,
later never comes. So you have to now do what
we naturally do as parents, we say, “When you finish your homework, “you can go out to play.” At school you have
work, and then playtime, a parent will say tidy up your room, and then you might have ice cream. So we are naturally
wired to take the reward after the work, but what’s happened is we now give ourselves the
reward before the work and then we don’t feel any
inspiration to do the work. So I promise you, if you
adopt these three habits, it will change your life, do what you don’t want to do first. Take action every day in
the direction of your goals, no matter how small the action is, the smallness doesn’t matter, what matters is you are wiring your mind, coding your mind, firing into your mind the habits of natural winners, and then you’ll be a winner. And who cares if it’s
unnatural, that’s not important. And point three, of course, is delay gratification, delay your reward. When I was writing my first book, it was quite time consuming and then my publisher rang me, that was, “You know what, we’re
bringing the date forward “by a whole month.” I’m like, “A whole month early?” I was finding it really hard to finish it, and for that month I
couldn’t read a paper, I couldn’t watch a movie, my favourite series happened
to be on at the time, and I had to record it every day, I couldn’t watch it and I kept thinking, when I’ve finished this, I’m
gonna take the whole day off, I’m gonna binge watch that whole series. I had a little bag full
of all the magazines and periodicals that I couldn’t read, but I finished it, ’cause I
kept thinking about that reward. And then I did take a day and watch everything I hadn’t watched, read everything I hadn’t read. And all my friends rang up and said, “You must feel so great,
you’ve finished your book.” I went, “Yeah, but you know what, “I kind of miss it actually.” I’d really got into that
discipline of getting up, writing, working, and that brings me to one more point I haven’t mentioned. And this is also very important, when you’re doing that
work, praise yourself. You know, when I wrote my book, I had to keep saying this book is amazing, this book is phenomenal, every one is going to love this book. That may sound incredibly arrogant, but imagine if I’d said, “Oh my god, “this book’s not very good,
in fact this bit sucks,” and “What if nobody likes it
and what if nobody buys it, “and what if, oh my god it
doesn’t even get a mention.” You see the way your mind works, is it believes everything you tell it, your mind can’t really future pace. And if you do anything saying
it probably won’t work, imagine you go on Tinder going, “Oh I’m just gonna get ghosted, “I know that’s gonna happen,
no one’s gonna want me.” Or, “I’m gonna open a business, “no one’s going to buy my product. “I’m gonna be a coach, “but no one is gonna
want to be coached by me, “’cause I don’t have enough experience.” Your mind cannot tell the difference between fact and fiction, what you tell your mind is real. As far as your mind is concerned, if you say it, it’s true, and that’s why when I wrote my first book, I said, “This is amazing,
this is phenomenal, “this is extraordinary.” And when I got it back and I read it, I thought, “Do you know
what, it’s actually not.” I could really see in
the first three chapters that I’d never written a book before, but then I could see after the first three how it picked up, but no one else seemed to see that, because it was indeed a best seller. I always imagined it in the, I used to tell my little girl, “One day you’re gonna see mummy’s book, “in the front of this bookstore,” and that’s exactly what happened, and we took pictures. ‘Cause I could see it, and if you can see it, you can achieve it. So do that too when you’re doing any task, even if you’re going to the
gym and doing 300 sit-ups, or the plank, don’t go, “Oh
my god this is painful,” go, “I love this, my body loves it, “my body loves every sit-up,
my arms love the plank, “my spine loves this.” When you’re eating food, tell yourself my body is digesting this. So remember to praise yourself, because these four things combined will give you phenomenal,
incredible self-discipline. And self-discipline will change your life. You know what’s also
amazing, when you adopt and embrace and pick up those four habits. At the end of every day,
you’ll have this great feeling, I earned this, I deserve
this, I’m worth it. So many of us walk around
with it differently, I’m not worth it, I winged that, I don’t really deserve that,
I don’t deserve the praise, I don’t deserve the recognition. I’ve worked with many, many,
many international rock stars, and they have a great ability to destroy everything they’ve
created because they say, “Yes but, you know, I wrote
that song in five minutes, “someone said write a song about pain, “I dashed it out, got millions of pounds, “but I don’t really feel I earned that. “And you know what I did,
I got rid of it all.” And I see that time after
time after time again, but when you feel you’ve earned it, then you can keep it, and you feel good about it, I earned it, I deserve it, I’m worth it. Those four habits will allow you to begin and end every day knowing that you are worth it. Worth it is very different to worthless, be worth it by embracing those four habits of
self-discipline, own them, adopt them, if they’re unnatural say, “Well, I’ll just keep doing this “until it becomes natural,” you know. Come on, peeing in the
toilet wasn’t natural once, feeding yourself wasn’t natural, but it became natural over time, and that’s exactly what
self-discipline will do for you, over time it will feel natural. First it’s what you do and then it becomes who you are. When it becomes who you are, your life will be amazing, so make your life amazing now, make those habits your own. So let me recap these four life-changing habits of self-discipline. Do what you don’t want to do, what you dislike, and do it first. Take action every single day on your way to success, in the direction of your goals. Delay gratification, reward yourself after the event, after the
task, and never before. And massively praise
yourself, big-up yourself, build your praise muscle, praise yourself the way you
want someone else to praise you. And I’d love you to comment, if you already do any of
those things comment now, on which ones you do,
or comment on which ones are going to most excite
you, or even challenge you. Comment on how you feel about that, which one is going to excite you the most. And then look at other people’s comments, because we all learn and
grow by hearing someone else, go you know what, I’ve been doing that, actually I learned that. Key four, key one, that’s the one that’s
changed my life the most. So remember you’re helping other people and they are helping you, and again you’re going to share this with other people who’d love
to have self-discipline. You’re going to like this, because when you like it, it helps me to provide more
of this information for you. And subscribe, and I’m gonna send you more and more information on
how you can be phenomenal, and outstanding, and awesome. Thanks for tuning in.

83 thoughts on “The 4 Secrets To Build Your Self Discipline – Marisa Peer”

  1. Sherry Polley Authentic says:

    โ€œDo what you donโ€™t want to do first.โ€ This is where I am placing my focus today, and going forward.

  2. Home Cooking says:

    If acouple looses romantic and loving feelings towards each other . If husband is 45 and wife 40.husband not being friendly sharing not taking interest in kids going out for hunting everyday! Just prioritizing himself! What should a lady do!

  3. Hugh T. says:

    A Course in Discipline by Mr. Tran.
    The secret to life: Discipline.

    Without discipline, nothing can be achieved.

    Without discipline, nothing has value.

    Without discipline, everything is worthless.

    He who has discipline, has everything.

    He who has no discipline, has nothing.

    Discipline never disappoints.

    (A discipline man will never disappoints you and an un-discipline man will always let you down.)

    Be discipline or be punished. Suffering is good. It brings about discipline.

    Discipline always wins.

    Discipline is life's greatest secret, life's most valued treasure, and most satisfying gift.

    Life is easy when you're disciplined and hard when you're not.

    Discipline is the mean to all ends.

    Be disciplined or be punished.

    Success is a system and it requires discipline to operate it. Without a system, there is no success.

    Your life will never be complete without discipline–no matter what materials you possess in your life, who you married, where you live, what you do for a living, you will always be incomplete. A fulfilled life is a disciplined life.

    Definition of discipline: Repeat (to the intelligent standards from your mind that you have set).

  4. Cassandra George Sturges says:

    I love you so much!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. YouareIandIAMYou says:

    Thanks for another wonderful video. The only thing left for me now is to win ๐Ÿ˜Š
    I have learned to act, be decisive in my life and not to procrastinate. If I plan to do something then I just get up and do it. Cold showers for example. I actually hate the cold but have decided to and have been taking hot and cold showers for more than a year now. Do I like it? Hell no! However it had contributed to my good health so I do it ๐Ÿ˜Š

  6. Nawal Said says:

    I donโ€™t want to eat so should I go out and eat ? Lol ๐Ÿ˜‚

  7. Sebastien Ponari says:

    I Delay gratification and is absolutely very helpful.
    All what you said was great but the one that stands out is do things that you don t want FIRTS.
    I will apply this from now.
    Thank you

  8. AKASH P SATHYAN says:

    Love it…

  9. Shruti Naik says:

    Going to praise myself from today onwards. Never did that before. Thanks.

  10. Inรชs Lebre ไผŠ่•พไธ says:

    Do what you dont want to do first. Is something I have been able to do it strongly. Regarding the praising I have been having difficulties in doing that due to the amount of stress I have to cope with and exhaustion I feel. Great talk! Huge fan of your work

  11. James Beemer says:

    Self discipline . Value and beliefs . Maturity counts . Go army ๐Ÿ’ช , go military .

  12. Diane Than-Trong says:

    Hi Marisa! Thanks for another good lesson about personal development on self-discipline! As previously I always avoided doing things I hate and rewarded myself too early! I will definitely follow your guide and let you know the result later!

  13. Gilda Afonso says:


  14. Sara Brooks says:

    I love this video! Thank you for sharing!
    Do what you don't want to do first is one I do, and work on doing more and more. Brian Tracy says the same, "Eat That Frog…(first) ". (Which is a fantastic book, I might add). Which is roughly the same concept. Definitely worth it!
    Take action every day (so many books I read say this constantly…especially to "be happy in life"). I believe this too, and notice a difference when I write my big goals and doing something towards them every single day.
    Delay gratification is one I definitely think spoke to me today! I wake up and have a creamy "bulletproof" tea every morning, but I'm also usually fasting in the mornings and try not to break my fast at all, in order to get into autophagy. I totally feel like I "reward" myself first thing in the morning (since it tastes soo good). Then I do what I don't want to do. I'm going to do it the other way around and make my tea the reward, and fast longer. That way, "I eat my frog", get into autophagy like I want to, and then get my creamy reward! Lol! Also I have another tea in my day, plus dark chocolate. I'm going to delay my "reward" anytime I have something I still need to get done. I like this!
    Praise myself, I think this is a great tip too! I enjoy praise, a lot (of course!) so it makes a lot of sense to give it to myself! Also, I have 2 children, and I'd love to help instill in them to praise themselves (as well as receive praise from others). That's something Magda Gerber, and Janet Lansbury promote as well. Also, EM (Emotional Intelligence) as well. Thank you for these 4 tips! I will definitely be looking at my life, my choices, and my decisions, and seeing where I can improve! I think these are very helpful! โค๐Ÿ‘

  15. David Bennett says:

    Slavery is good

  16. David Bennett says:

    Read my username

  17. Cati Circiumaru says:

    Thank you Marisa Peer!

  18. Renitz R says:

    This is really helpful
    Thank you for making this channel
    Iโ€™ve been one of your followers since that day when I saw you from TED talk.

  19. Edi Cara says:

    I love you Marisa

  20. Hage Yaku says:

    Thank you Marisa, your videos are acting as a fuel in my life all this days.

  21. Ivana Pavljuk says:

    Great Video! Love her Kind of Anna-wintour-vibe!!!

  22. Given Family says:

    Excellent video!!! Marisa is the best therapist!

  23. Given Family says:

    Best video!!!! Greatest therapist Marisa!

  24. Vineeta Tyagi says:

    Do what you don't want to do first is such a powerful advice. So many authors, including Stephen King, recommend writing first thing in the morning and as an evening writer who isn't happy with my progress, I'll adopt this advice right this moment.

  25. Siddhima Sharma says:

    ye..doing the toughest thing first always helps

  26. pratyush anand says:

    praising ourselves is considered to be taboo in the society… people feel as if i am self-obsessed….how to get rid of that plague

  27. Jay Sanchez says:

    To praise yourself is working so deep into my discipline now, so happy to find you Marissa, thanks โค๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป

  28. sizzorgirl67 says:

    What I really want it a reset on life button.

  29. Josephine BeautyBazaar says:

    1. Do what you need to do first!!! Love it โค

  30. Gautam Vashi says:

    If you can see it, you can achieve it.

  31. Serap Karakaya says:

    I really like 1. Do what you don't want to do first. I will try this from now on ๐Ÿ™‚ thank you!

  32. ivmmmm says:

    her voice is so therapeutic love her videos .

  33. humanityandme says:

    Feeling sad I've only discovered you now…

  34. Francisco Leveroni says:

    I feel like this 'success', 'achievement' and winer/looser mindset is (or can be?) really toxic. We do need to get results though so maybe there is something I'm not seeing.

  35. Suzy N. says:

    I worked in corporate America for almost 40 years. I heard many years ago the tip you gave to "do what you don't want to do FIRST" and it made all the difference in my day. When I put off the most difficult thing, it ruined my day, put me on edge, and probably made those around me miserable too. So, I can tell you from experience, this tip really works. I also am praising myself and I put YOU ARE ENOUGH on my bathroom mirror, and a daily notice on my phone. Now, when people say things to me/about me that are attempts to get under my skin, I just say to myself "I AM ENOUGH" and walk away smiling.

  36. Leticia Penha says:

    Thank you for this video Marisa, I've been going though ted talk videos and motivational speeches looking for some light. I appreciate you taking the time to share with us what you know works and the importance of putting these things into action.

  37. Johnny Gonzalez says:

    I need to learn to be self discipline for far too long I've been relying and other people to help me now it's time for me 2 rebuilt the discipline in me thank you

  38. Ioana Alexe says:

    i started to do the praising to myself & i am enogh only, and i am telling myself i love myself so much, that i am loveable and everything just started to do a turn in the best experience of my life. thank you so much! you are like an angel that came into my life exactly when i needed! i love you!

  39. Zahra Amanah says:

    Thank you Marisa. I think Iโ€™ll take these 2 on board: do what you donโ€™t want to do FIRST, and then praise myself.


    Thank you Marisa. This is one of the most helpful videos i came across. I also try to corelate a lot of things with Shrimad bhagwat geeta.

  41. GradKat says:

    Great tips! I'm going to start applying them today!

  42. Argile Australia says:

    Hello Marisa – I am 75 and have discovered you this year 2019. I read years ago that top executives tell themselves to "eat the frog" first. Ugh. What a thought. But I did that for many years, not realising that I had a couple of self-sabotage buttons in other areas. Since discovering you and Vishen and Jay Shetty at MindValley, the fire in my belly is re-ignited. I watch something of yours at least every second day. I have a goal and this session of four disciplines is going to be so helpful. I will first slay that dragon, as is the now more palateable suggestion, and follow through with the rest. I would love to meet you one day but for now I can say that through your talks I have found at last two self-sabotaging phrases that I heard (directed at me) as a child hidden deep in my subconscious – at the deepest level. These two phrases had practically been 'the pillars of my being'! How awful. But now they no longer rule me. Recently, I saw the video clip in which Vishen said that he 'stands for Unity'. I have kept that clip. I am so proud of Vishen. In this year of 2019 we all need to stand for Unity. One humanity; one world. We all belong… Much love to you, Vishen and Jay…from a meditator.

  43. Trevor Simpson says:

    I've worked on my own for the last 9 years and hadn't realised how I missed even a little praise or appreciation from my boss or colleagues. So step 4, bigging myself up will certainly help.
    Step 1 is the most challenging for me, as I've tried it before and gave up too quickly, because I felt my dislike of the task overwhelmed me. That sometimes it drained me of energy. But equally I see by not doing it, procrastinating, only makes the drain of energy/stress longer lasting and deeper. And it destroys confidence, because that became what I do and who I am.
    That last point is quite scary but Marissa's advice gives me the tools to change.
    Watch this space.

  44. cookieG says:

    Another scam to buy a course

  45. caro maro says:

    Good stuff.

  46. Little Britches says:

    I love your channel. Just discovered it. You motivate and encourage me.

  47. TARIK MOUNIH says:

    Your talk is amazing , you are loveable and loved .

  48. rayoflightcanada says:

    I like your conversation , thank you

  49. Nabhiha Dus says:

    I needed to hear al of the advice … thank you for this video… it motivates me and deeply speaks to me. Sometimes I feel I lose hope because I think I do not deserve it… and I think that is the main thought that crushes me down… but I really got to work on that one. Good continuation!

  50. Guadalupe Huerta says:


  51. Josephine Mutschler says:

    Thank you marissa for your motivational & engaging Video.

  52. Muzingaye Ngwenya says:

    I'm placing my focus on no.1 and 2. Thank you so much for this Marisa.

  53. Michelle Marez says:

    Amazing words,wow, this is very informative,thank you so much!โ˜บ

  54. Joseph-Annaelle Mbanmbaane says:


  55. Alice Verberne says:

    I also put myself into a situation where I have to do what I do not like first. For instance, I committed myself to riding my bike to work with a colleague for six months. I could not back out, so each day, I rode my bike. My colleague lost 20 pounds and I stayed in top shape.

  56. Anthony Nuseng Yang says:

    Thank you so Much Marsia! My life of the decision Iโ€™m make has changed and I thank you for everything.

  57. Aneesh Malankar says:

    This is a major tipping point. Thank you!

  58. Ilika bharti says:


  59. ืžื™ืจื” ื›ื”ืŸ says:

    Marisa you helped me so much thank you

  60. Deanna Alexandrine Hobson says:

    I enjoy all your videos, very gentle, to the point and informative. And your voice is so relaxing and convincing๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿƒ

  61. Har har Mahadev Gopinath says:

    why the mind is running away not intersted any of things all the yhings are hatable

  62. I am Love says:

    Thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU! ๐Ÿ’•

  63. Katie Mason says:

    I remember being in school while working full time and taking care of my children. There were so many times I started to talk myself out of graduating because it was SO difficult to juggle everything. I made myself continue even though I was exhausted much of the time. I not only demonstrated to my children that perseverance pays off, but after I did graduate, I actually โ€˜missedโ€™ being in school because I had incorporated it as part of my daily ritual. Stick to it folks, even when it seems impossible at times. You got this! You can do it! Believe it and it will happen. God bless.

  64. Finding Points says:

    Thank you! Inspired me!

  65. Ada Kwan says:

    Love love love… your words are so powerful … very uplifting … โค๏ธ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿปโค๏ธ

  66. Lelalo says:

    Praise yourself. This is where self love starts.

  67. Vicki Morton says:

    I have a routine I have to do before I get my coffee in the morning.
    Believe me, I am motivated!

  68. faiza mm says:

    Merci beaucoup Marisa.

  69. Osleiny Perez says:

    Hi Marissa I knew you 2 days ago and I think my way is about to take another level, thanks.
    I want to share that I want to reach that but How Can I eliminate my resistance about it?

  70. Indra C. Rajaretnam says:

    Like most women I need to praise myself more. By the way Marisa your programs are phenomenal & have helped me so much.

  71. Veronica Eugenia says:

    The missing piece for me is "Praise yourself". Did it tonight for the first time and it felt so inspiring and for me, seems to be the missing piece, the grease that keeps the other 3 keys rolling along and easier to achieve. Yay! I adore you, Marisa, and am crazy grateful for your wisdom and generosity. We are so lucky to benefit from your knowledge and experience. A thousand thanks!!

  72. Meredith Slack says:

    Great tips. Thank you.

  73. CannabisQueen Org says:

    At 30 seconds my phone froze right after you said "do what you don't want to do first". So i went and did exactly that!

  74. CannabisQueen Org says:

    Wow! That actually feels amazing when you accomplish something you don't want to do. Whats strange is the things we believe we don't want to do are actually not that bad. I enjoy the activities I procrastinate, strange that I have the belief certain tasks are not enjoyable that are!

  75. CannabisQueen Org says:

    I have been using the delayed reward system for the last few days and it's incredibly motivating and builds discipline.

  76. C O says:

    Hi Marisa ! Did you know there are ppl who cannot be confronted ? I do know. And I accepted it.

  77. salvador ramirez guerra says:

    I was touched by the whole concept, will chart objectives and daily duties towards them. Delaying gratification is definitely important for me.

  78. Monique Cheynut says:

    Thanks a lot for those devices : to do one small thing every single day, and most of all to do what I donโ€™t want to do first !๐Ÿ‘I already feel better ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป

  79. Regan Hillyer says:

    This is great, thanks!

  80. Hima Vaghela says:

    Delay Gratification! This is so motivating ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป practicing this.

  81. Susan Falah says:

    The most difficult is to praise myself!!!

  82. Azna Koodoruth says:

    Thank you.. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

  83. Stephane LEVIER says:

    I love your videos ! … and love is sent to you from Australia ๐Ÿ˜‰

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